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motherhood

Everyday, Moms Are Human, Parenting

Every Mother Needs a Wife

March 26, 2015
soul_mate_featured

A few years ago, someone said something to me that resonated so deep within my heart that I will never forget it: Every mother needs a wife.

Yes. That. All of That.

That simple phrase is the key to surviving motherhood (especially in those early years).

I am one of the lucky ones who has about six wives.

Don’t get me wrong, husbands are great. I would be totally lost without my husband. He is a great provider, a perfect parenting partner, and all around awesome…

…but sometimes a mama just really needs a wife.

My husband travels a considerable amount for work; leaving me to rule to roost with a stubborn dog and two very outspoken young ladies. If it were not for the amazing tribe of women, who have banded around me and supported me during his times of absence, I would probably be locked away in a padded room somewhere. They have become  my life blood during those weeks when it’s just me and the kids. They are undoubtably my lady soul mates; my sister wives.

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What is a Sister Wife?

Well, I think technically it’s a term used to describe a polygamous marriage partner BUT I use it to describe my closest of friends. That’s what they are to me. They are my sisters. They are my wives. They are my true kindred spirits.

We cook for each other. We look after each other’s children. We lend compassionate ears when one of us needs to share deep dark secrets or just vent about wiping butts 100 times a day.

We are intertwined in each other’s lives. We love each other; honestly and truly love one another. We understand each other and accept each other’s crazy. We talk of living in a sister wife commune together; or at the very least taking a sister wife vacation to somewhere tropical and full of chocolate (and booze).

When we first arrived in Wisconsin 4 years ago, I did not know a single person. Then, one by one, the universe brought these women into my life. Each was an instant bond; something totally unique and nothing I’d experienced before. It’s all very cosmic and amazing. With my sister wives I can share wild and crazy ideas and they typically respond: “ ME TOO!”

Sometimes plans change. Sometimes, people move away.

Maybe not today.

Maybe not tomorrow.

Maybe not even 1 year from now.

…but one day I will pack up my home and my life, and move away from them.

It’s the nature of life; always fluid, always changing. I take comfort in knowing that physical distance between our homes will not impact our love for one another.

Friends float in and out of your life; sometimes leaving a lasting impression, other times, not so much. But a sister wife is more concrete than that. Miles cannot separate the bond and love of a sister wife.

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To my Sister Wives: Thank You.

I am the mama and the woman I am today because of your love, support, guidance, and inspiration.

You motivate me to be a better person and a better parent.

Thank you for the endless love and support when I most needed it.

Thank you for loving my children as if they were your own.

Thank you for never judging me or my parenting choices; even on the days when I feed my children boxed mac and cheese and plant them in front of a screen.

Thank you for encouraging me to spread my wings and soar; and for being there to pick me up when I crash and burn.

Thank you for not thinking I am totally crazy for being in love with my dog.

Thank you for putting me on my current path.

I love you all.

Forever and Always.

…And to think, just 4 years ago, these women were strangers to me.

Moms Are Human, Parenting

Mommy is a Unicorn

April 30, 2014

mommy-is-a-unicorn

*selfie take by my (then) 2.5 year old. I feel like she’s going to end up a film student.

It seems to me that “Mommy” is a concept. Not always a tangible thing.

I think back to my childhood, and despite being with my mother everyday, I really cannot recall memories of her until my adolescence. I remember being close to her. I remember eating food she made me. I remember going places she took me. But her, as a person, is absent. What’s most fascinating is that the more I talk about it with people, the more they too have similar experiences and memories. Are you able to remember your mother, as a person, before the age of 10?

I have a theory. Being a mother means you do not actually exist as a person until your children are older; even so much as moved out of the house. Instead of being a real person with real interests, fears, flesh, and blood, you are kind of like an imaginary friend. There are days when I’m pretty sure my toddler thinks she is the only one who can see me.

As a mommy you are always there. Everywhere. Even when you’re not there in body next to them, you always seem to know what they are doing; or at least that’s how they see it. You’re more of a presence and less of a person.

When I play with JBird, it’s not the all day engaged play that Daddy and Grandma are privy to; endless games of make-believe, limitless imaginative games. With Mommy, it’s a side by side “together” type of play. We read together, bake together, and paint together. She likes me to sit in the same room as her while she plays with her dolls. Sometimes I am asked to assist in the putting on or taking off of the doll’s clothes. Other than that, my job is to sit and be still.

This is probably why motherhood is so difficult at times. Knowing that your children really have no concept of you as a real person…and won’t until they are much older. Sometimes I just want to scream; probably just to validate that I am in fact a real live human being and not some sort of robot nanny.

But it’s also kind of great when you think about it. There’s a special power that comes along with being a mama.

Mommy is a magical creature.

Mommy is an entity: the all knowing, great and powerful, healer, wielder of bandaids, maker of the rules, queen bee, final say, comforter, lover, possessing all the virtues, muse, hero, warrior, bringer of the grilled cheese.

Daddy is a tangible person. Daddy takes me to the zoo. Daddy reads me stories. Daddy tucks me in. Daddy is special and important…but still real.

Mommy is like vapor. Existing, always there, but somehow not really a person. Mommy is mythical. Mommy is a unicorn.